Long Distance Relationship with someone you’ve met online

You can not help who you fall in love with, but staying in love is another thing entirely and is even harder to do if you’re in a long distance relationship. Most online dating sites and apps allow you to set a distance radius on your profile, which will only show you all potential suitors within that particular radius. This, of course, creates greater choice but also means there’s a greater chance of you meeting someone who lives far away.

If you choose to use an app which doesn’t have this service, or you decide to increase the distance radius on your profile, you might start chatting to other users who live hundreds of miles away, or even to users living in different countries. If you get on well with someone online, there’s a chance you will begin a relationship with that person, so in this instance, it would be classed as a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) at the start, simply because of where you both live.

Not being able to see someone regularly can be tough. Added to that, if you embark on an LDR, you have to consider the costly phone calls, expensive plane tickets, time differences, etc. That said, many of us end up having a long-distance relationship at some point, for the simple reason that love is not always rational. When you are in love, the feeling is rare and is very powerful, so there should be no barriers to love.

LDR’s can work and do work and with the advancements in technology, you are able to face-time or Skype someone, even if you’re living on opposite sides of the world. However, this is no replacement for physical contact, so you have to really want your relationship to work and ensure that you speak to, message and face-time each other regularly. You try to tough it out for the sake of love, even when it’s difficult. Usually, when people see other again, the intimacy and sex are amazing.

An LDR can take its toll but the other main key to maintaining an LDR is “trust”. You shouldn’t stray whilst apart, otherwise the feelings will diminish and your relationship will peter out. Stay faithful and make sure you keep in touch with each other regularly.

The ultimate goal is for you both to leave behind your long distance love story and unite in the same city. This should always be the main objective that you are both working towards and you shouldn’t lose sight of this.

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Online Dating – First Impressions

You only get one chance to make a good first impression. Not only will you be judged on your appearance, but also on your attitude and personality as well. You should feel excitement at the prospect of meeting your date for the first time. At the same time, feeling nervous too is perfectly normal, as both these feelings go hand-in-hand.

In this modern age of online dating, it’s more nerve-racking than ever before to meet someone in person for the first time. Hopes and dreams are created through the initial conversations you have online. Your expectations are higher than if you met someone in a bar, as you already have a virtual connection with that person, albeit not a physical one.

You may suffer disappointment should your date turn out to be different to the pre-conceived image you had formed in your mind. That being said, the person you meet can sometimes exceed your expectations, or they can grow on you in time and vice-versa. It’s best not to look too far ahead before you meet your date in person. That way, if you do suffer disappointment, it’s not something that you will dwell on for too long.

Make sure the first impression you give is a great one. A first impression is made within the first seven seconds after meeting someone new. When you meet someone for the first time, your date will be making a rapid inventory of your build, smell, height, smile, eye contact, handshake, kiss, confidence and how you present yourself. You will also be making your own inventory of them.

One golden rule is to practice good hygiene. Whilst looks aren’t everything, both men and women are often impressed by a person who appears to take pride in their appearance and by someone who looks after themselves. Make sure you are clean, that you wear your favourite clothes or outfit (but don’t look scruffy), splash on your favourite perfume or aftershave, smile often, keep good posture, make good eye contact with your date and keep your body relaxed. Be kind to your date as well and don’t treat them badly. Whether you end up liking each other or not, you’ve both invested a lot of time and energy into preparing for your date, so don’t be rude and don’t disappear on them.

Most important of all, be yourself. Yes, of course you have to make a big effort and you may be very nervous, but try to relax and show your date what you are really like as a person.

“Cuffing” Season

The cold nights draw in, the sunlight disappears and the days shorten. You’re single, unattached and you just want someone to snuggle up with and keep you warm during those long, cold and lonely evenings. Welcome to ‘’Cuffing season’’.

This is the modern term used to describe the period during Fall/Autumn and Winter months in which lonely singletons find themselves seeking to be “cuffed” or “tied down” by a serious relationship. You would be forgiven for thinking that ‘’cuffing’’ is a kinky term and something to do with to BDSM.

Online Dating apps such as Tinder and Bumble see a big increase in the number of active users and sign-ups during the months of November through to February. Cuffing season usually kicks off on 1st November and runs until the day after Valentines day (14th February). During this period, people who would normally prefer to be single or promiscuous, find themselves (along with many other singletons) wanting to be “Cuffed”. The cold weather and forced indoor activity causes singletons to become lonely, so many look for someone to spend this time with and are therefore looking to be cuffed. Christmas can also be also be a lonely time of the year for people who are not in a relationship.

Cuffing is often viewed as being temporary and seasonal. It can be this, yes, but it can also lead to a serious long-term relationship. Put simply, it’s the act of finding a significant other for the sole purpose of staying warm during those cold winter months. Although Cuffing season tends to be casual and fun on the whole, we all know that relationships aren’t usually as simple as that. Feelings can develop, even if the initial goal is to just have a ‘’cuff buddy’’ over those colder months. If feelings are mutual, you need to talk to your cuff buddy and you should always go with your gut instinct.

Serious relationships can occur when you least expect them to. Emotions can quickly change and there’s always the possibility of falling in love with a new online acquaintance. Once you’ve matched with a prospective partner online, you will need to evaluate whether or not they are looking for the same thing as you.

‘’A good cuffing partner is one that will make plans in advance, instead of just asking you out for the upcoming weekend’’, says Dr. Jane Greer, who is a New York-based relationship expert. Someone who plans in advance shows signs of commitment which is a great indicator for a long-term relationship.

Being attentive is also very important during cuffing season and there is no reason for either of you to play games and be distant with each other. When your cuff buddy messages you, you should reply as soon as possible. You should want to hang out with your cuff buddy at least once a week, that’s if you want to keep them around until the Spring. You may have been hanging out together and doing cute, fun and sexy things whenever you meet up, but unless you have both agreed that you want to be on each other’s social media, you probably shouldn’t be adding any ‘’couple pictures’’ just yet. You should remember that this relationship is more than likely going to end come Spring, so flaunting your relationship online might not be the wisest idea at this stage. You’re having great times together now, but come those warmer months, you should not assume that you will be invited to any family gatherings or parties.

Many scientific studies have proven that cuddling releases the happiness hormone, oxytocin. Once this hormone is released, it is human nature to continue doing the same thing that causes it to be released. This is simply because it makes us feel happy. Cuddling up with a cuff buddy on those long winter nights is obviously going to lead to some fun and sexy times, but as we all know, if you’re having sex you need to be responsible and stay safe. Practice safe sex, so that you don’t end up with any nasty surprises (or diseases) at the end of the cuffing season.

At the end of the day (or “at the end of the cuffing season”) what really matters is that you met someone new and that you had lots of fun with them. Don’t take the relationship too seriously at first or look too far ahead. See how things develop with your cuff buddy and go from there.

Continue reading ““Cuffing” Season”

Dating is becoming more complicated – Modern Dating Terminology

Dating is becoming more complicated. With one in four of us now finding love online, a completely new language for modern dating has been created. It feels like a new dating term or trend is being created every week.

You may have heard of ‘ghosting’ where people don’t have the civility to end things verbally or by text. They ‘ghost’ the person they’ve been dating, which means they ignore them with no explanation. This is just one of the many new dating terms people use nowadays. Here are 5 new digital dating behaviours to be aware of:

Ghosting:
Getting over a break-up can be really tough, regardless of whether it was a long-term or short-term relationship. Ghosting means that you don’t hear from that person again. They disappear forever like a ghost and they will cut off all communication completely. You can end up driving yourself crazy wondering what you did wrong and questioning why you did not hear from that person again.

Zombieing:
Zombieing is another popular new dating term and it’s where you’ve been ghosted for a while and then from out of nowhere, your ghoster gets back in touch. The person you were dating disappears, before they come back from the “dead” months later with some lame excuse to justify their prolonged absence. They are most likely to get in contact with you again through a social media platform or through an out-of-the-blue text message. Usually, the zombieing happens just when you’ve gotten over the hurt of having them ghost you in the first place. Then, all of a sudden, they ‘subtly’ reappear causing more emotional upset.

Submarining:
This is when you stop seeing someone because they ghosted you and they have cut off all communication. They then reappear after some time and act like nothing happened. This is similar to Zombieing but Submarining is actually worse – after resurfacing, they’ll offer no explanation, acknowledgement or excuse whatsoever for their disappearance. Basically, it’s when someone you’ve been seeing or talking to vanishes without a trace (much like a submarine when it sinks to the depths of the ocean), then without warning, they “resurface” and slide back into your inbox like nothing ever happened. People who submarine you either want to hide the reasons for disappearing or they just want to gloss over it.

Stashing:
Stashing is the latest dishonest dating technique that you may have been a victim of. It occurs when the person you’re dating doesn’t introduce you to their friends or family and doesn’t post about you on social media. Basically, you’re their secret boyfriend or girlfriend, while they feel justified in “stashing” you in the corner, pretending nothing is going on to the outside world and keeping their options open. Stashers don’t want a loving relationship with you and will be chatting to and seeing other people.

Breadcrumbing:
Breadcrumbing is when you send out flirty but non-committal messages (“breadcrumbs”) to a person, but you’re not really interested in dating them. You send the messages in order to lure a sexual partner without expending too much effort, which equates to leading someone on. If you’ve been dating someone, breadcrumbing can also mean you don’t have the guts to break things off with them completely, as the breadcrumber doesn’t like confrontation.

Online Dating for single parents

Being a single parent can be tough and can make dating very tricky. This is especially true if you have young children. However, being a single parent does not mean that you have to be single forever.

Online dating is a minefield, but as a single parent, it can feel tougher than for people who don’t have kids. Not everyone wants kids, or wants to date someone with kids and your self-belief and confidence can suffer and can be very low at times. It takes some people a long time to get over the stigma of being a single parent – especially when it comes to dating.

What you should understand is that being a single parent is something to cherish and to celebrate and you should never forget that. The right person for you will also recognise this and will work with you, as they’ll know that you won’t have too much free time. Flexibility is the key.

Your kids will always come first and rightly so, as you’ll always be protective of your kids. It’s best not to give out too much information about your kids to a new online connection. Don’t tell them where you live, where your kids go to school, or anything that’s too personal. At this stage, they don’t need to know anything else other than you have kids and how many kids you have. Initially, it should be about you getting to know a person better and vice versa.

Online Dating has made it much easier for single parents to meet new people. E-Harmony is one dating app which helps you connect with other single Mums and Dads out there. There are other sites such as singlewithkids.co.uk which have been created with the specific aim of matching single parents who are in the same boat. You should be honest with people that you’re a parent, just as you should be honest about anything you put on your profile.

Dating can be costly and also time-consuming. Money and time is more valuable for a single Mum or Dad, than it is for someone who has no children.

To most single people, a date costs a few drinks and maybe a meal, but they don’t have to factor in the extra cost of a babysitter, so a date night for a single parent takes a lot more effort and usually, there are extra costs involved.

Apart from having more choice, the main benefit of online communication for a single Mum or Dad means they can chat to an online acquaintance when their kids are in bed, or when their kids are playing and they’re sat on the sofa. This means they don’t have to devote and commit to a whole night out. To meet someone face to face is a big commitment and single parents don’t want to be wasting their time.

There are other dilemmas to consider as well. Does the person that you’re chatting to have kids themselves? Do they want kids? Do you want more kids? What are you/they looking for? It is important that both of you are singing from the same hymn sheet.

Once you have been dating someone for a while, providing that you both like each other and can see a future together, you will then think ‘’when is the best time is to introduce them to my kids?’’. If you both have kids, you would need to discuss whether you are both happy for all the kids to meet each other. This is a huge decision, so don’t rush into making it. Many people are wary about introducing a new partner into a child’s life, in case things quickly go wrong with their partner. It’s not good if a child sees many different partners coming and going in their Mum or Dad’s life. They won’t have any sense of security and may be hurt if they never see a person again with whom they’ve built up trust and a good relationship with.

Many people fear dating once they have had kids and they lose confidence, as they know they can’t devote the same time and energy into meeting someone in the same way they did before they had kids. They may also be hurting from the breakdown and fallout of a previous relationship and this can also put someone off from searching for love again.

You should be open that you are a parent and you should NEVER apologise for this. Be proud that you are a single parent and if someone is terrified about the prospect of taking on children, there is no point in spending time with a person who thinks like this.

Every person is different and every situation is different, but everyone deserves true happiness and remember that there is someone out there for everyone. With the help of online dating apps, you can meet good people out there and you will hopefully meet your soul mate. Stay positive and don’t give up on your dreams.