Dating is becoming more complicated – Modern Dating Terminology

Dating is becoming more complicated. With one in four of us now finding love online, a completely new language for modern dating has been created. It feels like a new dating term or trend is being created every week.

You may have heard of ‘ghosting’ where people don’t have the civility to end things verbally or by text. They ‘ghost’ the person they’ve been dating, which means they ignore them with no explanation. This is just one of the many new dating terms people use nowadays. Here are 5 new digital dating behaviours to be aware of:

Ghosting:
Getting over a break-up can be really tough, regardless of whether it was a long-term or short-term relationship. Ghosting means that you don’t hear from that person again. They disappear forever like a ghost and they will cut off all communication completely. You can end up driving yourself crazy wondering what you did wrong and questioning why you did not hear from that person again.

Zombieing:
Zombieing is another popular new dating term and it’s where you’ve been ghosted for a while and then from out of nowhere, your ghoster gets back in touch. The person you were dating disappears, before they come back from the “dead” months later with some lame excuse to justify their prolonged absence. They are most likely to get in contact with you again through a social media platform or through an out-of-the-blue text message. Usually, the zombieing happens just when you’ve gotten over the hurt of having them ghost you in the first place. Then, all of a sudden, they ‘subtly’ reappear causing more emotional upset.

Submarining:
This is when you stop seeing someone because they ghosted you and they have cut off all communication. They then reappear after some time and act like nothing happened. This is similar to Zombieing but Submarining is actually worse – after resurfacing, they’ll offer no explanation, acknowledgement or excuse whatsoever for their disappearance. Basically, it’s when someone you’ve been seeing or talking to vanishes without a trace (much like a submarine when it sinks to the depths of the ocean), then without warning, they “resurface” and slide back into your inbox like nothing ever happened. People who submarine you either want to hide the reasons for disappearing or they just want to gloss over it.

Stashing:
Stashing is the latest dishonest dating technique that you may have been a victim of. It occurs when the person you’re dating doesn’t introduce you to their friends or family and doesn’t post about you on social media. Basically, you’re their secret boyfriend or girlfriend, while they feel justified in “stashing” you in the corner, pretending nothing is going on to the outside world and keeping their options open. Stashers don’t want a loving relationship with you and will be chatting to and seeing other people.

Breadcrumbing:
Breadcrumbing is when you send out flirty but non-committal messages (“breadcrumbs”) to a person, but you’re not really interested in dating them. You send the messages in order to lure a sexual partner without expending too much effort, which equates to leading someone on. If you’ve been dating someone, breadcrumbing can also mean you don’t have the guts to break things off with them completely, as the breadcrumber doesn’t like confrontation.

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Online Dating for single parents

Being a single parent can be tough and can make dating very tricky. This is especially true if you have young children. However, being a single parent does not mean that you have to be single forever.

Online dating is a minefield, but as a single parent, it can feel tougher than for people who don’t have kids. Not everyone wants kids, or wants to date someone with kids and your self-belief and confidence can suffer and can be very low at times. It takes some people a long time to get over the stigma of being a single parent – especially when it comes to dating.

What you should understand is that being a single parent is something to cherish and to celebrate and you should never forget that. The right person for you will also recognise this and will work with you, as they’ll know that you won’t have too much free time. Flexibility is the key.

Your kids will always come first and rightly so, as you’ll always be protective of your kids. It’s best not to give out too much information about your kids to a new online connection. Don’t tell them where you live, where your kids go to school, or anything that’s too personal. At this stage, they don’t need to know anything else other than you have kids and how many kids you have. Initially, it should be about you getting to know a person better and vice versa.

Online Dating has made it much easier for single parents to meet new people. E-Harmony is one dating app which helps you connect with other single Mums and Dads out there. There are other sites such as singlewithkids.co.uk which have been created with the specific aim of matching single parents who are in the same boat. You should be honest with people that you’re a parent, just as you should be honest about anything you put on your profile.

Dating can be costly and also time-consuming. Money and time is more valuable for a single Mum or Dad, than it is for someone who has no children.

To most single people, a date costs a few drinks and maybe a meal, but they don’t have to factor in the extra cost of a babysitter, so a date night for a single parent takes a lot more effort and usually, there are extra costs involved.

Apart from having more choice, the main benefit of online communication for a single Mum or Dad means they can chat to an online acquaintance when their kids are in bed, or when their kids are playing and they’re sat on the sofa. This means they don’t have to devote and commit to a whole night out. To meet someone face to face is a big commitment and single parents don’t want to be wasting their time.

There are other dilemmas to consider as well. Does the person that you’re chatting to have kids themselves? Do they want kids? Do you want more kids? What are you/they looking for? It is important that both of you are singing from the same hymn sheet.

Once you have been dating someone for a while, providing that you both like each other and can see a future together, you will then think ‘’when is the best time is to introduce them to my kids?’’. If you both have kids, you would need to discuss whether you are both happy for all the kids to meet each other. This is a huge decision, so don’t rush into making it. Many people are wary about introducing a new partner into a child’s life, in case things quickly go wrong with their partner. It’s not good if a child sees many different partners coming and going in their Mum or Dad’s life. They won’t have any sense of security and may be hurt if they never see a person again with whom they’ve built up trust and a good relationship with.

Many people fear dating once they have had kids and they lose confidence, as they know they can’t devote the same time and energy into meeting someone in the same way they did before they had kids. They may also be hurting from the breakdown and fallout of a previous relationship and this can also put someone off from searching for love again.

You should be open that you are a parent and you should NEVER apologise for this. Be proud that you are a single parent and if someone is terrified about the prospect of taking on children, there is no point in spending time with a person who thinks like this.

Every person is different and every situation is different, but everyone deserves true happiness and remember that there is someone out there for everyone. With the help of online dating apps, you can meet good people out there and you will hopefully meet your soul mate. Stay positive and don’t give up on your dreams.

Moving House – How to Prepare in Advance of your Move

It’s often said that the stress and anxiety of moving house is one of the most stressful events which can occur during a person’s life, on a par with divorce and bereavement. Research also confirms this is the case.

There’s the initial stress of viewing houses and showing complete strangers around your house. Then there’s the tension and anxiety of the build-up to the actual move day itself. This is such a huge and important moment of your life and there is much for you to consider and plan for. Therefore, any assistance you receive should be helpful, responsive, professional, caring and informative.

There should be no cutting corners, as people moving house really do appreciate the finer detail. Many of your items will be full of memories and will carry high sentimental value, so you won’t want to place the care and trust of your items to just anybody. It’s important that care and concern is shown at this stressful, yet equally exciting moment of your life.

You have just found your dream new home. You have had your offer accepted, so you now need to begin planning and making various arrangements. Around 2-3 months before your move, you will need to find a conveyancing solicitor and you should compare different quotes and reviews. It’s essential that you arrange the legal formalities as early in the process as possible. This will ensure a smooth legal transaction of your property sale/purchase and will also allow for any delays. You should take some time to research the facilities and amenities in the area that you are moving to.
You will also need to arrange your mortgage, so you need to contact mortgage providers and should compare different quotes and reviews.

If you’re renting a property, you will need to let your landlord know which date you are looking to move out. They would need to know this date in advance and you may have to give them a certain amount of notice.

If you have children, you will need to look at schools in the area that you’re moving to and this should really be done much further in advance, as you will need to make an application to the school of your choice, to ensure that your children are accepted. You would then need to transfer your children’s school records and order new school uniform as well.

You should now start thinking about getting removal quotes, especially if you are moving the full contents of your house or apartment, as it’s always much easier to seek professional advice and assistance when moving house.

You should check with your home insurance provider to see if your insurance policy will cover your removal. Home insurance providers usually cover moves within the UK, but they don’t usually cover international moves if you are moving overseas. In any case, most removals companies are usually able to provide insurance cover, wherever you’re moving to. My advice would be to always take out some form of cover, as damages can occur during transit, especially if you’re moving overseas. Check the rate you have been quoted for insurance and try and ensure cover is in place as soon as possible.

It’s a good idea to keep a record or file of all documents and notes related to your move. These can include quotes, letters, e-mails, checklists, important numbers, deeds, dates and details of all conversations.

Around 4-6 weeks before your move is the time when you need to start clearing out anything you don’t want to be moved to your new home, although some removal companies can offer a service where they will dispose of items on your behalf, for which an additional charge would be made. It’s always best to start by making a full checklist of all your major items so you know what you will be moving and are clear on anything that will need to be disposed of before the big day.

If you have not done so already, you now need to arrange for removal companies to perform a pre-move survey of your effects and it’s advisable to obtain estimates / quotes from at least three removal companies, so you can compare prices and services.

If you are moving within the UK:

Before asking removal companies to visit you to perform a pre-move survey of your effects, you should ensure that they are member of BAR (British Association of Removers). This is the kite-mark of the industry and holding this accreditation means that a company has passed stringent tests and is regularly audited. Being a member of BAR also ensures that all members have set rules and regulations that they have to adhere to. The British Association of Removers has been dedicated to promoting professional excellence in the Removals Industry for more than 100 years and BAR is at the forefront of developing and maintaining professional standards and services for the benefit of its Members and their customers.

If you are moving Overseas:

You should ensure that you only obtain quotes from removal companies who are members of BAR and also of FIDI (Fédération Internationale des Déménageurs Internationaux, which translates to the International Federation of International Movers). Established in 1950, FIDI is the largest global alliance of independent, quality, international moving and relocation companies, who are specialised in moving household goods and personal effects from one country to another and from one continent to another. The FIDI Global Alliance is the only network of global mobility specialists who comply with an internationally recognised quality standard.

The pre-move survey will determine the volume of your effects, how long your move will take and it will allow the estimator to assess the parking and access at your residence. The estimator may also need to view the access at your delivery address, if you are moving locally.

You now need to consider finding a RICS chartered surveyor to carry out a buildings survey at your new home.

You should think about where everything will go at your new home, although this can be difficult, as you don’t always know what will fit where until the items have been physically delivered. If you are down-sizing, you may require storage, another service which most removal companies can provide.

If you have decided to pack items yourself, then you will need to purchase packaging materials and your removals company will be able to supply you with them. However, packing items yourself can be very time consuming and there is also more chance of items being damaged during transit if the packing is not done by the professionals. In addition, some insurance companies will not be able to offer cover if a professional removals company has not packed your items.

If you’re relocating due to your job, you should find out what costs, if any, your employer will cover.

Good luck with your move!

Anxiety and Depression – what triggers these disorders and how do you keep them at bay?

There is still a huge stigma attached to mental health disorders. One in four of us will suffer from anxiety and/or depression at some point in our lives, yet many people don’t understand the symptoms of these illnesses or what causes them and many people simply turn a blind eye. If you haven’t suffered from anxiety and depression yourself, you are bound to know at least one person who has.

Anxiety and Depression (A&D) can overwhelm you and both of these illnesses can affect absolutely anyone and at any time. They can be triggered in many ways. If you have suffered from either of these illnesses, you will probably not have recognised the initial signs and were scared about what was happening to you.

Anxiety and depression usually go hand in hand and if you have one of these mental health disorders, it is highly likely you will also have the other at some point.

Most people are too embarrassed to talk about A&D, especially men, as we don’t like going to see the doctor. Opening up about A&D can be very difficult and it takes real bravery to do so, but the worst thing you can do is to become introverted and think to yourself that your A&D will just disappear. Even recognising the signs of A&D can be hard if you have symptoms for the first time. If you feel you have A&D, you need to make an appointment with your GP as soon as possible and talk to them about your issues.

I have suffered from A&D myself in the past and I am not ashamed or embarrassed to admit this. When I first had a panic attack many years ago I thought I was having a heart attack and I’ve never been as scared as I was then. I sought help at the time and I did my own research too. Over time, you get to know what the triggers are for your A&D. This is really important, as it will enable you to manage your A&D better and keep both illnesses at bay.

Anxiety and depression can lead to many problems and they tend to cause a chain reaction. It’s quite common that you don’t feel good about yourself and you might need reassurance from people, as you often lose any confidence you had. A&D usually leads to nervousness as well as loneliness. Bad hygiene can be another result of suffering from A&D. Due to not feeling good about yourself, you might not feel like washing, or you might not have the energy to do this.

You might feel tired most of the time as A&D can affect your sleep pattern. It can lead to lots of thoughts and worries swirling around your head and you will over-think too much. You may suffer from hair loss. Maybe you put on weight as you don’t have the energy or willingness to exercise or socialise with people and you might start comfort-eating. Even a short walk to the shops can feel like a real chore when suffering from the pain of A&D. Your once-satisfying sex life may take a hit as well, as A&D can affect your libido and you can’t enjoy physical intimacy. Your emotions can feel out of your control and you sometimes say things or do things that you later regret. A&D can affect your family life, social life and work life and these two illnesses can turn you into a completely different person as it can lead to you avoiding people and becoming more of a recluse.

It’s natural to feel embarrassed sometimes, but you need to know that there is no shame in struggling with A&D.

A&D does not discriminate and does not care about a person’s shape, size, weight, height, age, colour, wealth, fame, sex, or religion. It can strike at any time and can affect absolutely anyone, including people who have always thought of themselves as being mentally tough.

The ex-wrestler turned actor, The Rock, has recently opened up about his problems and battles with A&D, so even though he’s a big tough guy physically and is the highest paid actor in Hollywood, no amount of fame, wealth or physical strength can protect you against A&D.

Triggers of A&D:

We’re living in a fast-paced society where everyone is constantly on the move. Recent advances in technology have put many added pressures on us all. People want things immediately and are more demanding than ever. There is more choice out there for everything and it’s easy for people to shy away from everyday pressures and become lonely. Whilst it’s good to relax at times, it’s also important to talk to people and have routine in your life, as loneliness is a big trigger of anxiety and depression. Don’t suffer in silence!

A&D can also lead to people drinking alcohol, not sleeping properly and not doing any exercise. If you can talk to people often, socialise and have fun, not drink too much alcohol, drink plenty of water, get plenty of sleep and rest, plus, you can exercise regularly, these will all help prevent against you becoming anxious and/or depressed and will help you keep it under control.

1) Loneliness – If possible, surround yourself with good people and around those people who can make you smile and laugh. Smiling, laughing and just being around people really does help.

2) Alcohol – This is a friend of A&D so be very wary. Most people with A&D look for a release and for an escape from normality when trying to deal with a tragedy or a trauma in their lives. Alcohol is not the answer and will make it worse. Alcohol can actually increase anxiety and stress levels, rather than reduce them. Alcohol also dehydrates you and hydration is so important in combating A&D. Becoming dry or dehydrated can occur when you’re in confined spaces, such as being on an underground tube train or on an aeroplane. You might get anxious even when driving, so try to avoid long journeys if possible, where you can become tired and therefore more anxious.

3) Another trigger is not having enough sleep and rest. If you’re tired or sleepy, it will make you more anxious and depressed. I do understand though that it’s not always easy to sleep, as those who suffer with A&D have very active minds and they find it hard to relax and switch off. One tip is to have a hot shower to relax and unwind just before you go to bed. Drink a glass of water too.

How to help combat A&D:

Anxiety and depression are generally controlled through medication, but counselling and therapies, such as CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) are also available.

1) Talking to people – Talking to someone about your problems really does help. If not partaking in CBT or counselling sessions, then try to confide in a good friend, colleague, or a family member, with whom you can talk to about your problems. As the late actor, Bob Hoskins once said, “It’s good to talk”.

2) Exercise – An often neglected intervention when dealing with mental health is exercise. Exercise is an amazing way to help battle anxiety and depression.

Mental health and physical health have been treated separately in the past, yet evidence has shown there is a link between physical activity and positive mental health.

Exercise can greatly benefit those suffering with poor mental health. It can also protect people from developing depression and/or anxiety through chemical changes in the brain which positively alter mood. When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called endorphins. These endorphins interact with the receptors in your brain that reduce your perception of pain and endorphins also trigger a positive feeling in the body.

It is very daunting to visualise yourself doing any physical exercise if you don’t do it often (if at all). If this is the case, you need to build it up slowly. Begin by walking for a short distance at first and gradually increase the distance that you walk and the length of time that you walk for, until you can walk for an hour. You can then begin to jog or run. It’s good to remember that even a 15 minute walk can help you relax and clear your mind, as any exercise is better than none at all.

Being involved in sport, particularly a team sport, means you will mix and socialise with other people, so on top of the release of endorphins, you are also attacking A&D by socialising and talking to other people.

3) Antidepressants – A&D affects around 350 million people worldwide and cases rose almost 20% from 2005-2015. To give you an idea on how big a problem A&D is becoming, John Geddes, a professor of epidemiological psychiatry at Oxford University, advised: “Depression is the single largest contributor to global disability that we have – a massive challenge for humankind’’.

“Antidepressants are an effective tool for depression. Untreated depression is a huge problem because of the burden to society,” said Andrea Cipriani of the NIHR Oxford Health Biomedical Research Centre, who led a recent study on antidepressants.

It was a six-year study, which was carried out by a team of international experts and was published in the Lancet. The most famous antidepressant of them all, Prozac (now out of patent and known by its generic name, fluoxetine), was one of the least effective but best tolerated antidepressants, as there were fewer side-effects reported. The most effective antidepressant was Almitriptyline, which was the sixth best tolerated.

However, the first antidepressant that your GP prescribes you with may not work for you, so if you feel worse after a few days, you should go back to you GP immediately and tell them. They may ask you to try something different, or it may be that your dosage needs to lowered, as it may be too high.

Conclusion:

If you know of anyone suffering from A&D, or if you haven’t heard from a friend or family member in a long time, pick up the phone and speak to them, knock on their door, or at least send them a message to see how they are. You sometimes won’t know if a person is suffering from A&D, as most people don’t talk about it, or they won’t admit to having it, due to the shame and stigma that both A&D still carry. I repeat again that you should feel NO shame or embarrassment at all, but loneliness is the terrible cruel curse of A&D, so if people know that someone cares about them and that they can talk to someone about their problems, it will generate positivity and they will feel that their life is meaningful. Doing this really will help anyone suffering from these terrible illnesses. Be there for someone with A&D. I hope my post has gone some way to help raise awareness.

Here is a useful link to the NHS website which provides further help and advice on dealing with depression:

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/dealing-with-depression/

You can also contact helplines, such as Samaritans on 116 123, for 24-hour confidential, non-judgemental emotional support. They offer a safe place for you to talk and any time you like, in your own way – about whatever’s getting to you. You don’t have to be suicidal. You can also contact them at:

https://www.samaritans.org/

How many couples tie the knot with someone they have met online?

The stigma that was once attached to Online Dating has well and truly disappeared, with around one in four of us now finding love online.

The rapid advances in technology over the past few years and the ever-increasing popularity of the online dating industry mean it’s easier and quicker than ever before for us to meet new people. We can do this at the click of a button or by swiping right on someone’s profile using our smartphone.

Online dating is also now the most popular way that spouses-to-be meet. As time goes by and more happy couples decide to the tie the knot, the percentage of married couples who meet by swiping right on their smartphone is likely to increase significantly. Sociological scientists have seen a trend of heterosexual couples who meet online and pop the question quickly. One study has concluded that couples who meet online tend to get hitched much sooner than couples who meet offline.

Dating apps have fast tracked marriages, as people meeting online know they are meeting someone who wants the same thing. When two compatible people meet and have lots in common, there is no reason for things to go slowly.

According to ‘The Knot’, the leading online wedding brand, in 2017, 19% of brides in the US (1 in 5) reported meeting their significant other online.

17% of those married met through online dating and 2% met through social media outlets. This was a total increase of 3%, up from 14% in 2015 (for those who met through online dating).

Other popular ways that couples met include through friends (17%), college (15%) and work (12%).

This rise in digital dependence continues through each step of the wedding planning journey, where 9 in 10 couples used mobile devices for wedding planning activities in 2016.

The statistics are based on The Knot’s recently released results of ‘’The Knot 2017 Jewellery & Engagement Study’’. Their biannual comprehensive report, the largest of its kind, surveyed more than 14,000 engaged or recently married brides and grooms from the US to uncover the trends and financial spending habits of proposals in America.

Advice on Coaching Sport to Children

“Its all about winning!”. “Win at all costs!”. “Train all day and night to be the best!”. These are common phrases that you’ll hear a lot in sport, especially in youth team football. They are all wrong.

Sport is in my blood and I’ve played football all my life. I’ve also coached men’s and boy’s football teams over the years.

Often, these phrases are said by fathers who want their kids to play professionally. The fathers want to achieve this goal through the eyes of their kids, as they didn’t make to that level or didn’t play themselves. These fathers are competitive people but they’re looking at the situation in completely the wrong way.

These sayings are all wrong and if coaches and parents believe them, it does not create a nice environment for children to play in. It’s not all about winning and at a young age, kids don’t need too much fitness training. If they train too much, they’ll be burnt out, just as anyone would be. They won’t enjoy playing as much either.

If you’re a parent OR a coach of a child playing any sport, there are three important objectives that you should aim to achieve. You should want your child to:

1) Learn
2) Develop
3) Enjoy

Coaches and parents should never shout from the sideline and certainly not ‘have a go’ at other children playing on the opposition team. This does happen and it’s bang out of order.

It’s often said that “winning isn’t everything” and this is absolutely true and even more so at youth team level.

Your children need to learn to win but also learn how to lose. These are life lessons as well, as they won’t always get what they want in life and they will suffer enjoyment and fulfilment in life, as well as disappointment.

Parents often confuse kids by shouting and they put kids under pressure by getting on their backs. Your child should be enjoying themselves, even if their team are losing.

If your child has won their match, encourage them to shake the opposition team’s hands and say “well played”. Even if your child loses a match, still encourage them to do exactly the same.

As a coach (and a parent), you’re also a teacher and the children you coach will naturally look up to you and follow your lead. You have an important responsibility to say the right things and act in the right manner. You should want your children to improve not just as a footballer, but also as a person. You are teaching them about discipline and combining that with making sure your child is smiling and having fun. How will they learn about discipline if their coach or their

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father is shouting and swearing on the sideline?!

The best example of this is a top American football player whose son was playing for a local youth team. He would watch his son play but would stand silently on the sidelines and not cheer, shout, or give instructions. When the kid asked his dad for his feedback at the end of the game, the dad said that as long as he listened to his coach, followed his instructions, enjoyed what he was doing and was happy, that was all that mattered and he was happy.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe there is huge value in teaching our children to win and it’s always better to win than it is to lose. In fact, it’s that competitive fire and hunger to be the best that helps drives our society forward. However, if you remember the three main objectives, it will create an amazing environment for children to be in and this is the best platform to achieve good results. Just let them play though and don’t put too much pressure on them.

Make sure you encourage your child. If your child is learning, developing, playing with a smile on their face and laughing with their friends, this is the true definition of winning! 😊